


Promises

by FrozenEagle



Series: A World Without Gods [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenEagle/pseuds/FrozenEagle
Summary: Being thrown into such a different world in the blink of an eye is daunting, even for someone as strong as Edelgard. But, this is also Silver Snow!Edelgard. By the time she and Byleth had their final confrontation, she had effectively lost everybody that she cared about: either they had joined the enemy side and hated her, or they had died trying to protect her. And the heart can only take so much loss.Byleth has been living with the guilt of her actions for 850 years. She finally has a chance to make things right, but the path will be a long and challenging one.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Series: A World Without Gods [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954792
Comments: 9
Kudos: 146





	Promises

Byleth held a cup under the spout in the sink and filled it up. She couldn’t really sleep, and thought perhaps a glass of water might help. She chugged it back and added the cup to the small pile of dirty dishes. She _really_ ought to do those, she thought, as she stared blankly at the mess.

She _should_ go back to bed. But she couldn’t relax enough to sleep.

“ _No! Please!”_

She was out of the kitchen like a shot, quickly finding the spare bedroom door in her dark apartment. She could hear the struggle inside: that bed was a cheap one, often prone to squeaking and groaning; the ruffle of blankets being fought with; pleas from someone locked deep in a nightmare.

“ _Please!_ Come back! _Come back_!”

Byleth knocked, hoping she wasn’t about to make things worse. “Edelgard?” she called. She _could_ just let herself in, but given the former Emperor’s apparent state, _and_ recent events, she decided to wait. “Edelgard? It’s me. You ok?”

There was another yelp, and frantic gasps of breath. Then: “P…Professor?” Calmer. She must be awake now.

“Can I come in?”

…

“…Yes.”

Slowly, Byleth pushed the door open. She caught Edelgard in the act of furiously wiping tears from her cheeks, the slight blush nothing compared to the dark bags under her eyes. Blankets and sheets were strewn about, indicating quite a bit of tossing and turning.

“I…I suppose I was talking in my sleep again,” she said sheepishly, refusing to make eye contact.

“I wasn’t listening for it,” Byleth told her earnestly, “I…I couldn’t sleep, myself, and I just…” She caught a quick flash of lilac, desperate and lonely. Byleth cleared her throat. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

Edelgard sat up, pulling her legs up close to her chest. “I doubt it would help,” she muttered bitterly. The way Byleth’s varsity hoodie encompassed her small frame made her seem extra vulnerable now.

Byleth carefully approached the bed. “It might, though,” she prompted carefully, “Talking helps release pent up energy and emotions.”

She scoffed. “Another medical discovery of this time, I presume?” she asked in annoyance.

“A lot of work has been done with mental health,” Byleth told her, “More still is needed, but…it is infinitely better than what you are used to, I’m sure.”

Edelgard remained silent, eyes focused on the digital clock on the bedside table.

Eventually, after a few minutes passed, Byleth grew bold. “Who were you calling to?” she asked gently, sitting down on the foot of the bed.

“I…” She looked up again, very briefly. All Byleth had time to see was unimaginable pain. “Everyone… _anyone_ …I… I don’t _know_ ,” she whispered, “There were so many shadows. People without faces. Voices with no bodies. They all felt familiar but… They were all _leaving_.”

Byleth had no doubt she had been one of those faceless shadows. The thought made her heart ache with a guilt she’s lived with for eight hundred years.

“I…” she began. Hesitant. _Scared_. This apology was coming _far_ too late, and perhaps at a bad time, but if she were to move forward, it _had_ to be said. “I’m sorry,” she said, head bowed, “I’m _so sorry_ , Edelgard. I…I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what to _do_. I…I should have been more sure. Confident, like you always are. I should have _been there_ for you when you needed me the most and I _wasn’t_ and… I’m sorry.”

Edelgard stayed quiet. She sniffled softly, and wiped away some fresh tears with the sleeve of the sweater. “You hesitated because you could see what I truly was,” she eventually murmured, pulling her sleeve down a little to trace the shackle scars along her wrist, “You all were smart to stay away from me. You said the world is the way it is because of me… But would it have been the same had I gotten _my_ way? Or is it like this because of _you?_ ”

Byleth opened her mouth to protest, but words wouldn’t form.

“I knew my path would be a lonely one when I chose it,” Edelgard confessed, “A path of isolation and blood, one where I rid the world of monsters by becoming one myself. Someone as kind and wonderful as you should never have to dirty your feet as I did… _None_ of you should have.”

“You _aren’t_ a monster,” Byleth said, perhaps a little too quickly, “And I would have. I _should_ have. I… When Rhea made me choose I just… I didn’t _know_ …”

“I shouldn’t have made you choose, either,” Edelgard replied, “I made the decision for you in my head the moment you hesitated, and every moment since. I just… It was easier to let my heart break and stay broken than to try to keep fixing it, only for my efforts to have been for naught. Even when we met again in the Goddess Tower, I… I had become so jaded that I believed there was no way you _actually_ cared. After all: no one else did.”

“That’s…that’s not true,” Byleth admitted, “They all came, Edelgard. All of the Eagles. They though _you_ were the one who didn’t care. I…I should have said something. Told them that you _did_ , but…”

She smiled sadly. “It’s in the distant past, now,” she breathed, “It doesn’t matter.”

Byleth frowned. An unpleasant lump of emotion was forming in her throat that she couldn’t swallow down. “But it _does_ matter,” she said quietly, “It did back then, and it still does now. Maybe things would have been different if…” She stopped, shaking her head in frustration. It would do neither of them good to dwell in ‘what-ifs’. “When we first came back here, you…mentioned something,” she pressed gently, wincing as she spoke, “You said you… _expected_ … to die by my blade.” She met Edelgard’s gaze, lilac eyes brimming with tears. “You… _begged_ me to do it,” she whispered.

“I knew I had lost,” Edelgard uttered, “I _lost_ , Byleth. My war. My empire. My crown… My friends… My _family_ … I have always looked to the future, refusing to look back on the past. And every time, I was able to envision the future I strived for. But… When I lost that fight… I tried to look into the future and I saw nothing. Just darkness. I knew then that I had one of two choices: surrender, and succumb to the crushing weight of despair and guilt and _failure_ ; or die.” She paused, wiping the moisture from her eyes with a grimace. “Just…give up, fall into the void. Lay down my axe and finally, _finally_ stop fighting. I tried. I tried _so hard_ to fight it back, to make _something_ of my miserable existence before death caught up with me, but… I _lost_.”

Byleth felt the dagger of guilt sink deeper into her un-beating heart. She wished more than anything to be able to go back to that moment, that fateful decision point where she chose _wrong_. But that was impossible. She could only move forward. That’s all anyone could do. She _hoped_. “And…what about now?” she asked hesitantly, waiting with baited breath and _praying_ , “What do you see if you look to the future, now?”

Edelgard rested her chin on her knees, staring off into a darkened corner of the room. She sat for a few minutes, eyes vacant, before answering. “I…I don’t know,” she admitted sadly, “It’s…it’s still so dark. I…I don’t know where I can go from here.” Her eyes moved to the window, where the never-ending light of the city flowed in through cracks in the blinds. “I’m not sure how I will fit into this world, or if I even _can_ ,” she said, sounding so uncharacteristically small, “Everything’s so different from what I’m used to. At least then, when I lost everyone I cared about, I still had my belongings. My home. Or…what _used_ to be my home. I have even less now than I did then.”

Her gaze moved again, finding Byleth’s in the dark room. She saw the deep, earnest concern on her former teacher’s face, and the faintest bit of light appeared in the void of darkness that was her envisioned future. “But…” she said slowly, carefully, “Perhaps… Perhaps I am not as alone as I think.”

“You’re not,” Byleth replied quickly, a cautious smile beginning to spread on her face, “I’m here, Edelgard. This time I _promise_ I won’t leave you.”

Edelgard tried to mirror the careful grin, but her smile did not reach her eyes. “I…” She looked away abruptly, eyes closing tight as if _wincing_ in pain… or bracing for the backlash. “I… _Forgive me_ , my Teacher,” she breathed, shame practically _dripping_ from her words, “But… I _wish_ I could believe you.”

Byleth felt her heart _drop_ in her chest. Those words were the slap in the face she _wished_ Edelgard would just get on with. Byleth deserved it, after all. After everything she had done to the poor woman sitting before her. The lump in her throat was most _definitely_ a sob, and it took everything in her to keep it down. But she couldn’t hold back the tears in her eyes.

“I’m going to help you find that belief,” Byleth said solemnly, scooting a little closer on the bed, “I know my words probably mean very little right now. You have _every_ right to never want to listen to me or trust me ever again. You don’t even have to _forgive_ me. Just…just know that I’m here for you now. You can stay here for as long as you need. I can teach you everything about this world and fitting into it. You don’t have to believe me, but just… _know_ …that you’re safe here.”

It came slow, at first. Like the rain before a storm. Tears neither of them could hold back any longer began to flow. It was Edelgard who moved first, throwing herself forward and _clinging_ with a desperation that _consumed_ her. Byleth felt those strong hands of an Emperor now shakily grasp her shoulders, fingers digging in as if Edelgard was expecting the universe to wrench them apart.

Byleth was no longer able to hold back that sob, and it tore through the damn holding back her emotions like a wrecking ball. She hadn’t cried this much in _centuries_. And she forgot how much it hurt.

“I’m sorry, Edelgard,” she choked out, holding on just as fiercely, “ _Goddess_ , I’m _so sorry_.” She swallowed roughly. Her words felt like bile in her mouth. Like they could never fully express what she felt. Weakly, no more than a whisper, she confessed, “I thought I lost you forever. I thought I would never get to tell you… _Goddess_ I wish things had been _different_.”

Edelgard sniffled, her own sobs slowly fading as Byleth’s words hit her. “I thought…five years was long,” she said softly, pulling away so their eyes could meet, “I know we fought, but… Seeing you after all that time…” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, offering a weepy smile. “I was still so happy to see you alive.”

Byleth met her with a grin of her own, her sobs breaking into gentle chuckles. “I would have waited a thousand years for you,” she breathed, “Two thousand. _A million_. I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to see you here, despite…despite everything.”

“Then… Perhaps that should be what we focus on,” Edelgard said, “The past is gone. And though we both will bear the scars it left us for the rest of our lives, scars will fade. I…I should know.”

Byleth gently reached out and cupped her friend’s cheek. “You can be anything you want to be in this life, Edelgard,” she stated, “This time, the path is yours to choose. And I promise I’ll help you along the way, for as long as you want my help.”

“My Teach- … _Byleth_ ,” Edelgard whispered, mimicking the affectionate action, “I have always wanted to walk _with_ you. So in this life, _I shall_.”

“I won’t leave your side for anything, this time,” Byleth vowed.

“E…even…now?” Edelgard asked, sheepishly looking away as she nervously wrung the sheets in her hands. “I…I haven’t been able to get a good night’s rest in… I’m not sure how long. But, perhaps if you’re here, the nightmares might-”

Before she could finish, Byleth flopped comically down on the empty side of the bed, answering the request without any words spoken.

Relief washed over the former Emperor in an instant, and with a small smile, she sunk down under the covers, facing her host on the bed. Byleth reached out and carefully took her hand in hers, giving it a small, affirming squeeze.

“I’m here,” she whispered, “I promise. And if I’m not when you wake up, you can find me in the kitchen.”

Edelgard nodded in reply. “Thank you, Byleth,” she whispered back, closing her eyes as sleep slowly came back to her.

Byleth shut her eyes as well, and as she drifted off, she heard a very earnest, very grateful: “ _Thank you_.”

—

The next morning, Edelgard awoke and Byleth’s spot was empty on the bed. A brief moment of panic seized her heart, until she remembered the rest of her promise. Carefully, she pulled the covers back and left the bed, first heading to the window. The strange, new Enbarr greeted her as she opened the blinds, with its impossibly tall buildings and endless _noise_. But at least the colours of dawn remained the same.

She cautiously headed through the apartment, taking in the details she had been overwhelmed by the night before. Everything seemed so _strange_. The furniture was oddly shaped, and far too much of _something_ : too soft, too hard, too simple, too complex. Everything felt so _bright_ as light from the morning sun flooded through the large windows and doors to the balcony. The colour scheme in Byleth’s apartment was mostly neutral: white walls, light grey rug, light wooden floors… Actually, _was_ it wood? It looked like it but didn’t _feel_ like it… She had the odd pop of colour in a cushion or a plant but otherwise it all felt so… _empty_ and bleak compared to the deep, rich colours of the tapestries and upholstery the Imperial family kept in the palace.

She drew a deep breath as she tried to calm down her fears, and as she did, a familiar scent hit her nose: _bergamot_. And her worries faded as a smile formed on her face.

True to her word, she found Byleth in the kitchen. A well-used teapot sat on the small table, scented steam wafting out and filling the room with the smell of her favourite tea. Two teacups were placed on either side of the table, beside two mismatched plates. Beside the pot was a rectangular, brightly coloured box.

Byleth was rooting through a tall, silver storage unit next to the counter with the…what was it called again… _microwave_? She stood up, a blue carton in her hand, and smiled when she noticed her guest. “Perfect timing,” she said warmly, setting the carton down on the table, “You liked milk, yes?”

“That’s _milk_?” Edelgard asked, eyeing the carton with curiosity.

“Yep,” Byleth said simply, reaching into a cupboard and taking out a small jar, “And sugar, too, right?”

Edelgard merely nodded. She hadn’t missed the amount of boxes and jars of food in just that one cupboard alone, and couldn’t imagine how much more could possibly be stored in this kitchen. She reached for the carton of milk, gasping slightly to discover it was _cold_ , and she was fairly certain that silver box was too small to hold ice blocks.

Byleth chuckled, watching as Edelgard glared at the milk carton as if she had just demanded it tell her all its secrets. “Come sit, Edelgard,” she said as she took a seat across the table, “I’ll explain more after breakfast. I got us a little treat.”

She gestured to the box. Edelgard cocked her head as she regarded the strange package. Big, ridiculous letters spelled out… _something_ … Although she had no idea what the word was or what it meant. “Do…nuts?” she wondered, looking up at Byleth with a lost expression.

Byleth merely grinned and opened the box, revealing six decadent-looking pastries. Each one was different, and _strange_ …but the smell alone was incredibly tempting. Five of them were shaped like rings, with a hole in the centre of the cake. The sixth one was a solid circle, covered in a copious amount of white powder.

“That one’s a jelly-filled,” Byleth said as she noticed Edelgard eyeing it, “Strawberry. Then there’s chocolate dipped, old-fashioned, honey cruller…” She pointed to a different one as she listed them, going from the one with a dark brown topping, a simple plain one, and one that was fancifully twisted and covered in white glaze. Next, she pointed to one with pink frosting, and bright, rainbow sprinkles. “Strawberry dipped,” she said, “It’s seasonal, and _really_ good, by the way.”

“And the last one?”

“The _best_ one,” Byleth told her confidently, “ _Double_ chocolate.”

The fact that anything was _single_ chocolate, let alone _double_ absolutely _floored_ her. Chocolate had been one of the most valued delicacies that she was aware of. Much like coffee, the beans needed to produce it could only be grown in consistently warm, humid climates that only the southern-most parts of Adrestia could support. Instead, it largely came from other nations that sat further south, and as a result was often incredibly hard and _expensive_ to procure. Being Emperor, she had had the fortune of tasting chocolate before, and had _loved_ it. But even she could only get her hands on a small box only a few times a year.

And now here was this… _donut_ …that was both _made_ with chocolate, but also _dipped_ in it.

“What…exactly is the occasion?” she asked hesitantly, “Surely this cost you greatly.”

“Nah,” Byleth said with a nonchalant shrug, “The whole box was about six bucks.”

“…Six… _Bucks_?”

“Never mind. That’s just slang for ‘dollars’.”

“…D… _dollars_?”

Byleth blinked. “Oh…right, sorry. I forgot currency changed quite a bit over time,” she said sheepishly, “It…it doesn’t matter. All the stuff that made pastries expensive back in the past is widely available now.” She then smiled shyly, and continued cautiously, “Last night was…a little rough. I know you’re going through a lot and it’s not going to change over night. It…it likely will only get harder, for a while.”

Edelgard found herself nodding at that, prompting Byleth to wince. “But I just… I thought these might help,” she said with a lopsided grin, “No matter how confusing and scary the world might seem, there are good things in it.” She gestured to the box, prompting Edelgard to take her pick. “Like donuts.”

Edelgard reached out tentatively, but rather than selecting a donut, her hand found Byleth’s resting on the other side of the table. “And… _you_ ,” she said quietly, a generous dusting of pink spreading across her cheeks.

Byleth’s heart had never moved a day in her immortal life, but in _that_ moment, it fluttered, _leapt_ like a bird taking to the sky. She didn’t know why or how, but in that moment, it felt _right_.

She chuckled softly, impressed by how smooth her former student was. She brought her other hand down over Edelgard’s, giving it a small squeeze. “I’ll always be right here,” she promised.

They held each other’s gaze far longer than either of them realized, and once they did, they broke apart, both of them blushing furiously. “Well, go on then!” Byleth coughed out awkwardly, gesturing to the box, “I’m excited to know what you think.”

Edelgard eyed the double chocolate one. “It… You said that one was your favourite…” she began slowly, “I don’t want to take it for myself…”

“It’s alright. We can split them,” Byleth offered, getting up to retrieve a knife. Upon her return, she selected the donut from the box and set it down on her plate, before cutting it in half. She then offered a half to Edelgard.

Edelgard picked it up carefully, looking over the pastry thoroughly. Byleth merely chuckled and simply took a bite out of her half, an action Edelgard hesitantly followed.

The moment the chocolaty goodness hit her tongue, her eyes widened and lit up like the sun. “Oh _Goddess_ ,” she breathed, before eagerly taking another bite.

Byleth’s chuckle turned into a mirthful laugh.


End file.
